These poems hit home, but especially this one. Goddamn. The burden of others in a backbreaking metaphor is KILLER! Stanza two is my favorite, but the more experimental last stanza made me curse the most-- just exceptional!
As soon as I was developing my notes, the strength of carrying burdens came to mind. Out of the three, this one felt more personal, especially the second stanza because that's how many people are feeling. The things we do for others that feels like serious backbreaking weight all the time.
Nick I'm glad you noticed that because I always like to add a subtle beat to my pieces. I agree with you, Nerves is still currently one of my favorites too. 💙
I ignore the number of times I arch my body forward, holding an improper posture as I ruck walk the baggage that dead hangs from my shoulders.
Here alone: arch even tho is the verb goes unnoticed and its forward that gets some movement then halted by the comma and sent into pause with—holding—then you break with alliteration and play with open and closed vowels giving it an incantation like effect(beautiful) and ending it with the shoulders as an anchor.
Yes! I think of music and breath control a lot when I'm writing. The alliteration snuck up on me by surprise the more I started to write. I don't know how everyone hears and feels it but to me it feels like a soft soothing vibration in my mouth and ears.
Thank you so much for reading and your feedback.💙🙏🏽💙
These poems hit home, but especially this one. Goddamn. The burden of others in a backbreaking metaphor is KILLER! Stanza two is my favorite, but the more experimental last stanza made me curse the most-- just exceptional!
As soon as I was developing my notes, the strength of carrying burdens came to mind. Out of the three, this one felt more personal, especially the second stanza because that's how many people are feeling. The things we do for others that feels like serious backbreaking weight all the time.
Thanks for reading M.P.💛
It’s a brilliant creative decision! I look forward to the next one!
When i read this i feel like i can hear a voice and a beat. its subtly woven in there.
these are great great pieces of work.
words like tools sculpting a statue of your emotions, gleaming marble solid but also alive and warm and bloody.
If i had to pick my fave so far its still Nerves but they are all powerful.
Nick I'm glad you noticed that because I always like to add a subtle beat to my pieces. I agree with you, Nerves is still currently one of my favorites too. 💙
when the author tells me that what i drew out of their work was what they put into it...it gives me the best most hard to describe feeling.
that is what this is all about.
when the author tells me that what i drew out of their work was what they put into it...it gives me the best most hard to describe feeling.
that is what this is all about.
The quality of this is superb.
I love the musicality of it, and it's earned.
I ignore the number of times I arch my body forward, holding an improper posture as I ruck walk the baggage that dead hangs from my shoulders.
Here alone: arch even tho is the verb goes unnoticed and its forward that gets some movement then halted by the comma and sent into pause with—holding—then you break with alliteration and play with open and closed vowels giving it an incantation like effect(beautiful) and ending it with the shoulders as an anchor.
I loved it. This is solid.
Yes! I think of music and breath control a lot when I'm writing. The alliteration snuck up on me by surprise the more I started to write. I don't know how everyone hears and feels it but to me it feels like a soft soothing vibration in my mouth and ears.
Thank you so much for reading and your feedback.💙🙏🏽💙