Wait. How did I get here?
The burnout and the bullshit. I ignored my warning signs...again.
I thought everything was going well. I was moving like a well-oiled machine and nothing was getting in my way. But subtle changes were developing and I didn’t realize that this slow build up would lead to my burnout…again. Damn! Can I get a break?
I want to believe that the first sign of my frustration started with my current WIP of my new portrait + microfiction. I had written the microfic but I wanted to make sure I had the right portrait to go with it. First sign: irritated with drawing the snakeskin. Since this was my first time drawing them, I wanted them to have some depth. A few late nights and early mornings didn’t help so instead of fighting with it, I decided to put it away for a few days. While I took a break, I signed up to participate in the Detroit Pistons Sneaker Grab at their practice center. I was so excited about it, and this was the prime opportunity to introduce my new merch of custom hats. I also raffled off a pair of Air Force Ones and Pistons hat, both matching and hand painted. The portrait had to be put to the side for a little while longer while I focused on the hats. A long stretch of days between working my day job followed by working through Memorial Day weekend. Second sign: ignoring the physical warning signs of fatigue.
My June lineup of art opportunities had grown. I was participating in a pop up shop at the Sneaker Grab, followed by another pop up shop at a restaurant and ending with an art call at a gallery. I thought this was going to be the perfect month for me. At the Sneaker Grab, there was hardly any customers or collectors. This was an event where artists and sneaker vendors could participate together but there wasn’t enough hype for a larger crowd. I only made roughly $100 in four hours, but I was glad that someone won the raffle. Then there was a collector that wanted me to sell him one of my original collages for $75. Dude! Are you serious? Hell no! I wasn’t the only artist that felt discouraged by slow trickle of sneakerheads and collectors. The Grand Prix was in town. When I spoke to another artist, he also didn’t do well with selling his custom clothing. But I didn’t let this get me down because I still had two more events to attend.
The following weekend, I was preparing for the next pop up at a restaurant but making the arrangements with the curator didn’t feel right. Third sign: ignoring my gut feeling. There was a lack of communication and clarity from the curator that reached out and asked me about participating. Something felt off. I talked to a few friends about it and told them that I wasn’t excited, but I wanted to show up anyway just in case I was wrong. When I arrived at the restaurant, I noticed I was the only artist there. I spoke to the restaurant owner and he explained that the curator told him that I would be the only artist for the evening. Wait! What? That’s not what I signed up for! I was under the impression that there would be other artists and not this weird solo pop up art show. Also, I wouldn’t need the assistance of a curator to do a pop up if it was just me. The show was to start at 6pm…and I left at 6pm. When I loaded my car with my paintings, I sent out a social media post that the show was cancelled. The curator didn’t show and the DJ that was supposed to be there didn’t show on time either. I was not about to stand around for four hours alone hoping that the restaurant patrons spent a few extra hundred dollars on my paintings as they walk out with their to-go containers. I made a quick stop at the liquor store and went home.
After getting a good night’s rest, I still felt mentally drained. New work changes with my job along with my art related tasks and two failed shows all happened so quickly and at the same time. I got caught up in the excitement and overstimulated. Fourth sign: overstimulated that caused the racing thoughts and emotions. Also, I had a commission that I needed to get started on soon - adding more pressure on myself. I was a mess. Now, I’m looking forward to the show this Saturday at Norwest Gallery. I’ve visited this gallery several times before and it is such an honor to have my paintings presented there in a group exhibition. What I enjoy the most about participating in art events are connecting with other artists and new collectors. It reminds me that I don’t have to be on the journey alone and it takes the support from others to help me on my way.
When I recognized that I was experiencing burnout again, I accepted what was happening and chose to rest. This isn’t the first time I’ve had these questionable moments, and they won’t be the last. I cussed and fussed for a few days but moved on. Staying mad won’t change what happened because I know that there are always better days ahead. Fingers crossed that this next show isn’t shitty (LOL).
Thanks for reading!
Peace,
Alex B
We keep doing these things don’t we? I am so glad you were able to recognize the signs and take action tho.
I saved this immediately because I already know it’s about to hit home for me just from the first line.